IKUROU STEELE
Please don't dress in black, When you're at his wake
Don't go there to mourn - But to celebrate
I don't wanna be me.
OVERVIEW
NAME: Ikurou Steele (Formerly Ikurou Aikawa before changing it.)
NICKNAMES / ALIAS: Iks
AGE: 40 yrs old
OCCUPATION: unemployed
SPECIES: white oni
RACE / NATIONALITY: japanese (japanese-american)
PLACE OF BIRTH: indianapolis, indiana
GENDER / PRNS : cis man (he/him)
ORIENTATION: demisexual / demiromantic
HEIGHT: 7'1 / 215.9 cm (with horns)
BIRTHDAY: january 4th
PERSONALITY
wears a lot of things that have a sort of 'guard dog' motif as he connects to the idea. feels he's nothing but a dumb guard dog.
overly touchy. likes to give the most crushing bear hugs you've ever received in your entire life. cannot fathom some people don't want to be touched.
is missing a tooth in his upper jaw. it got punched out in a fight.
releases solo albums on his own time. he has a small but supportive fanbase, though he tries to not interact with them much.
hates being recognized in public and doesnt really know how to respond to it.
FAVORITE BANDS: deftones, fleshwater, a perfect circle, type o negative, TOOL, rammstein, acid bath
FAVORITE MUSIC GENRES: industrial / nu-metal / metal / rock / alternative
HOBBIES: getting into fights, playing video games, playing bass
BODY & MIND
most of ikurou's physical ailments are because of his extensive cocaine abuse.
has chronic nosebleeds due to damage done to his nose from drug use.
has very very intense mood swings and splitting episodes.
put on weight after turning to alcohol when he was forced to give up doing coke.
his hands never stop shaking.
MINI PLAYLIST
i havent figured out how to make a music player just yet...
MR. SELF DESTRUCT - NINE INCH NAILS
I DON'T WANNA BE ME - TYPE O NEGATIVE
I WANNA BE ADORED - KING WOMAN
NO CHILDREN - THE MOUNTAIN GOATS
CLOSET - FLESHWATER
tiny pride flags by l0stlights on toyhouse
Don't go there to mourn - But to celebrate
I don't wanna be me.
OVERVIEW
NAME: Ikurou Steele (Formerly Ikurou Aikawa before changing it.)
NICKNAMES / ALIAS: Iks
AGE: 40 yrs old
OCCUPATION: unemployed
SPECIES: white oni
RACE / NATIONALITY: japanese (japanese-american)
PLACE OF BIRTH: indianapolis, indiana
GENDER / PRNS : cis man (he/him)
ORIENTATION: demisexual / demiromantic
HEIGHT: 7'1 / 215.9 cm (with horns)
BIRTHDAY: january 4th
PERSONALITY
LIKES: cats, especially calico cats, vintage cars, vinyl records & cassettes, the worst tasting alcohol you can imagine, extremely difficult video games, cheap cigarettes, cute stuff like sanrio or carebears (tells nobody this),
DISLIKES: celebrity / tabloid culture, social media, fruity alcohol that masks the real taste, the smell of weed, pop music, really annoying and cheerful ads on tv, games advertised 'cozy'.
PERSONALITY: ikurou is notoriously a massive hothead with a short fuse, something that's kept him in trouble since he was younger, though there was a time where he wasn't like this shockingly enough. he is extremely bad at communicating his feelings as he feels he is 'to stupid' to properly convey how much he feels much less anything else. his self-proclaimed 'lack of intelligence' is something he beats himself up over often. when he speaks his tone of voice comes across as borderline aggressive and accusatory though most of the time this is a subconscious urge. but it gives people the impression he hates them off the bat. slurs his words, has a relatively thick country twang to his voice but overall is a lazy speaker.
he is impulsive and reckless, often thinking with his fists and not his head. though most of the time he doesn't care about consequences until the police are already handcuffing him as he feels his life is already to far in the gutter to care to begin with. ikurou is self-destructive to an extremely alarming degree and willingly gets himself hurt for the thrill. he has little to no self-preservation and finds hurting and bleeding makes him remember he is a living breathing thing and is always chasing an adrenaline high. he does not think he deserves to have good things or to live a good life, he believes he is rotten to the core.
though behind his hard exterior he does have a deep urge to be revered whether it be by the masses or the people he loves. he hates to admit it but he just wants to be loved, to be told hes good at what he does, that he isnt a failure. he is deeply insecure and often tries to seek praise from those he loves. though he is scared to get close to others as he feels theyll see the rot festering in him and leave.
ikurou does have a sentimental side though it doesnt typically manifest in a normal way. he is fond of 'tough love' and his way of expressing positive feelings towards someone may include a few digs at you or a few slaps on the back. he often finds himself getting protective of people who are weaker than him and wants to try his best to help though he typically finds himself over his head as he kinda sucks at comforting people beyond letting them just cry into his shoulder. he is working on it though.
FAVORITE BANDS: deftones, fleshwater, a perfect circle, type o negative, TOOL, rammstein, acid bath
FAVORITE MUSIC GENRES: industrial / nu-metal / metal / rock / alternative
HOBBIES: getting into fights, playing video games, playing bass
BODY & MIND
MENTAL HEALTH: borderline personality disorder (BPD), complex post traumatic stress disorder (CPTSD),
PHYISCAL HEALTH: Heart arrhythmia, Permanently increased blood pressure, Damaged Respiratory System, Body Tremors,
ADDICTION / MEDICATION: SSRI's & anxiety medication. currently a High-Functioning Alcoholic. formerly a cocaine addict.
MINI PLAYLIST
i havent figured out how to make a music player just yet...
MR. SELF DESTRUCT - NINE INCH NAILS
I DON'T WANNA BE ME - TYPE O NEGATIVE
I WANNA BE ADORED - KING WOMAN
NO CHILDREN - THE MOUNTAIN GOATS
CLOSET - FLESHWATER
tiny pride flags by l0stlights on toyhouse
!! CONTENT WARNINGS !!
child abuse, substance abuse
CHILDHOOD
Disconnect and self destruct, one bullet at a time.
What's your hurry, everyone will have his day to die - If you choose to pull the trigger, should your drama prove sincere
Do it somewhere far away from here
most people don't know much about ikurou's childhood as he only trusts a select few people to disclose even snippets of information about it to. though its clear its a very, very tough subject for him.
he was born to an alcoholic, chain smoking father who was never afraid to resort to violence when ikurou dared to step out of line. though he took up the façade of a devout family man who loved his wife and son dearly when he would beat his son and wife at a hairs trigger and would show up to major events in his sons life blackout drunk. his mother was meek, flighty woman who had a close relationship with her son but not in a normal way. she was uncomfortably close to him to the point where it felt she treated her son more like a partner or a friend, constantly venting to her son about her marriage issues or sexual issues and always being uncomfortably touchy and close to him. it took ikurou years to realize this was not normal.
ADOLESENCE
because we all live in a wounded house and living here will be the death of me - someone's got to be the death of me.
all of what was happening at home shaped ikurou into a horrible, horrible teenager who acted nasty and violent to as a form of rebellion to his parents much to his fathers distain after he realized he couldnt just hit his son into submission. especially because his own kid started to outgrow him and was fully capable of fighting back if he wanted to. he attended school until the 2nd year of high school before he was suspended for bad behavior - to which he never went back. He racked up an impressive police record at that age, mostly for petty crimes like shoplifting, vandalization, and disorderly conduct, and didn't face serious jail time. though the police were very aware of him and often addressed him by a first name basis.
to distract himself from his life at home he picked up the bass guitar after seeing music videos of bands like Metallica and Pantera on MTV. and he was damn good at it. he fully became serious with it when he was around 18 years old. He played tons of shitty local shows to make enough money to finally get away from his parents and buy his dingy ass apartment whom he went no contact with after moving out. This continued until he was in his early twenties. at one of these venues, he was scouted into a band by his future bandmate. to which the two promptly formed a disgustingly toxic codependent friendship that would last for years. ikurou was forced to cut off everyone and move away to be a 'real musician'.
ADULTHOOD / CURRENT
It's love that guides my cleaver with such tenderness.
The gothic metal band he was scouted into - named “Blackout Days” achieved widespread acclaim throughout the alternative music scene. The more popular the band got, the worse Ikurou's situation got. The aforementioned bandmate, Ismael Desdemona, got Ikurou hooked on drugs and stressed him out to the point of making him vomit from stress several times a day. He'd over-exert himself on stage to the point of playing until his fingers bled or his nose would bleed. His bandmate would shape him into his personal attack dog making Ikuro's criminal record even longer - He'd get arrested a good few times but he'd always be bailed out and would continuously break parole rules. But the power and privilege of his bandmate kept him out of SERIOUS trouble. He enabled Ikurou's behavior, his addictions, his self harm, under the basis that rockstars never die.
years of extensive drug abuse, emotional manipulation and various forms of mental and physical torment ikurou began to lose his grip on reality as a whole. every day blending together, days into weeks and weeks into months. he missed his life from before, that dingy apartment, his friends. he had none of that anymore. he was surrounded by inauthentic celebrity douchbags who did horrible things and he was forced to put up with it or else he'd be homeless because ismael never let him see a dime from the bands success. he has practically holding him captive.
though one day he and ismael got into a massive, catastrophic fight which quickly turned physical. only being stopped when the other bandmates had to practically peel ikurou away from ismael to prevent him from snapping his neck. ikurou vowed to leave the band, that'd he be on his own and shove his newfound success in ismaels face. little did he know ismael had enough to put the final nail in the coffin that held ikurous career.
ismael made his and ikurous fight public, painting ikurou as a dangerous, abusive monster who's mind was completely ruined by drugs when in reality ikurou finally broke after years and years of ismael slowly grinding his psyche down until it finally shattered. without the privilege of protection from consequence being an associate of ismael gave him, he was in DEEP, DEEP SHIT. he was blacklisted and outcast from the industry. no doubt mostly because ismael continued to pull the strings after his defection.
he was now jobless. the depression from leaving his band and the media shitstorm surrounding it caused him to spiral into depravity. becoming heavily dependent on alcohol, cocaine, and partying to a much intensive degree than he was at the height of his fame. he had very rare moments of sobriety and in those moments he crashed, staying in his bed for hours at a time because, without any sort of high, he was utterly miserable. He soon was evicted from his apartment due to being constantly late on rent and his recent penchant for property damage was the straw that broke the camel's back.
now homeless and desperate, Ikurou got in contact with people he used to know before his big break. Only one answered his pleas for help. His old friend Shrike. As of now, Ikurou is in a constant search for a job. Most of the time he camps out in Shrike's spare bedroom in his basement on the condition he goes to rehab for his issues and pulls his weight around the house. He struggles greatly with the life-long damage his substance abuse has done to his body. Despite this, he tries his best to get a grip on himself, as he wants a normal life.
child abuse, substance abuse
CHILDHOOD
Disconnect and self destruct, one bullet at a time.
What's your hurry, everyone will have his day to die - If you choose to pull the trigger, should your drama prove sincere
Do it somewhere far away from here
most people don't know much about ikurou's childhood as he only trusts a select few people to disclose even snippets of information about it to. though its clear its a very, very tough subject for him.
he was born to an alcoholic, chain smoking father who was never afraid to resort to violence when ikurou dared to step out of line. though he took up the façade of a devout family man who loved his wife and son dearly when he would beat his son and wife at a hairs trigger and would show up to major events in his sons life blackout drunk. his mother was meek, flighty woman who had a close relationship with her son but not in a normal way. she was uncomfortably close to him to the point where it felt she treated her son more like a partner or a friend, constantly venting to her son about her marriage issues or sexual issues and always being uncomfortably touchy and close to him. it took ikurou years to realize this was not normal.
ADOLESENCE
because we all live in a wounded house and living here will be the death of me - someone's got to be the death of me.
all of what was happening at home shaped ikurou into a horrible, horrible teenager who acted nasty and violent to as a form of rebellion to his parents much to his fathers distain after he realized he couldnt just hit his son into submission. especially because his own kid started to outgrow him and was fully capable of fighting back if he wanted to. he attended school until the 2nd year of high school before he was suspended for bad behavior - to which he never went back. He racked up an impressive police record at that age, mostly for petty crimes like shoplifting, vandalization, and disorderly conduct, and didn't face serious jail time. though the police were very aware of him and often addressed him by a first name basis.
to distract himself from his life at home he picked up the bass guitar after seeing music videos of bands like Metallica and Pantera on MTV. and he was damn good at it. he fully became serious with it when he was around 18 years old. He played tons of shitty local shows to make enough money to finally get away from his parents and buy his dingy ass apartment whom he went no contact with after moving out. This continued until he was in his early twenties. at one of these venues, he was scouted into a band by his future bandmate. to which the two promptly formed a disgustingly toxic codependent friendship that would last for years. ikurou was forced to cut off everyone and move away to be a 'real musician'.
ADULTHOOD / CURRENT
It's love that guides my cleaver with such tenderness.
The gothic metal band he was scouted into - named “Blackout Days” achieved widespread acclaim throughout the alternative music scene. The more popular the band got, the worse Ikurou's situation got. The aforementioned bandmate, Ismael Desdemona, got Ikurou hooked on drugs and stressed him out to the point of making him vomit from stress several times a day. He'd over-exert himself on stage to the point of playing until his fingers bled or his nose would bleed. His bandmate would shape him into his personal attack dog making Ikuro's criminal record even longer - He'd get arrested a good few times but he'd always be bailed out and would continuously break parole rules. But the power and privilege of his bandmate kept him out of SERIOUS trouble. He enabled Ikurou's behavior, his addictions, his self harm, under the basis that rockstars never die.
years of extensive drug abuse, emotional manipulation and various forms of mental and physical torment ikurou began to lose his grip on reality as a whole. every day blending together, days into weeks and weeks into months. he missed his life from before, that dingy apartment, his friends. he had none of that anymore. he was surrounded by inauthentic celebrity douchbags who did horrible things and he was forced to put up with it or else he'd be homeless because ismael never let him see a dime from the bands success. he has practically holding him captive.
though one day he and ismael got into a massive, catastrophic fight which quickly turned physical. only being stopped when the other bandmates had to practically peel ikurou away from ismael to prevent him from snapping his neck. ikurou vowed to leave the band, that'd he be on his own and shove his newfound success in ismaels face. little did he know ismael had enough to put the final nail in the coffin that held ikurous career.
ismael made his and ikurous fight public, painting ikurou as a dangerous, abusive monster who's mind was completely ruined by drugs when in reality ikurou finally broke after years and years of ismael slowly grinding his psyche down until it finally shattered. without the privilege of protection from consequence being an associate of ismael gave him, he was in DEEP, DEEP SHIT. he was blacklisted and outcast from the industry. no doubt mostly because ismael continued to pull the strings after his defection.
he was now jobless. the depression from leaving his band and the media shitstorm surrounding it caused him to spiral into depravity. becoming heavily dependent on alcohol, cocaine, and partying to a much intensive degree than he was at the height of his fame. he had very rare moments of sobriety and in those moments he crashed, staying in his bed for hours at a time because, without any sort of high, he was utterly miserable. He soon was evicted from his apartment due to being constantly late on rent and his recent penchant for property damage was the straw that broke the camel's back.
now homeless and desperate, Ikurou got in contact with people he used to know before his big break. Only one answered his pleas for help. His old friend Shrike. As of now, Ikurou is in a constant search for a job. Most of the time he camps out in Shrike's spare bedroom in his basement on the condition he goes to rehab for his issues and pulls his weight around the house. He struggles greatly with the life-long damage his substance abuse has done to his body. Despite this, he tries his best to get a grip on himself, as he wants a normal life.
KASVI AOBEST FRIEND / SITUATIONSHIP
kasvi and ikurou's relationship is…complicated. The two became friends after ikurou became a recurring patron at the nearby library (as he had to go there for chores given to him by annettte like once a week). they gradually became closer and closer, and eventually it culminated in them sleeping together. they swore up and down they were 'just friends' but repeatedly slept together and still do. they very clearly have every intense feelings for eachother they seem to nervous to address.
ikurou has a massive crush on kasvi but something in the back of his mind keeps him from confessing to her. he feels guilt asking her to be his girlfriend because he does not want to drag her down with his many issues and feels he is burdening her when he knows she'd do anything for him. he doesnt want to fall back onto old habits and hurt her.
he has stayed committed to rehab as of late because the hurt he saw in her eyes when he relapsed shook him to his very core.
SHRIKE VICARIOBEST FRIEND
shrike and ikurou go way back. they were friends in their early 20s who often got into trouble with others or with the law. ikurou has always been and still is very protective of shrike, still viewing him as the poor, weak boy he knew back when they first met. in recent years, he's been forced to give shrike room to breathe as he feels he can hold his own.
the two have always been extremely close to the point of shrike virtually living with him when they were younger and ikurou being the one to accompany him to many hospital visits for various injuries he sustained at the hands of his abuser. though ikurou got his "big break" after ismael drafted him to blackout days, he was forced to cut ties, which hurt him to his very core because he knew how badly it would hurt shrike, and he had no time to tell him why he was leaving in the first place.
while he was away he was constantly discouraged from contacting his old friends no matter how much he cried and sobbed thinking about what could have happened, he was worried sick about shrike and annette. and once he was finally free from ismael's influence shrike was the first person he called. Shocked to find he was very much alive and thriving. he begged for forgiveness through tears, asking for help to which shrike graciously gave with some caveats about pulling his weight around the house for as long as he chose to stay there.
shrike and ikurou bicker often as shrike no longer tolerates ikurou's lack of manners and how he rarely cleans up after himself and sometimes it escalates into physical fights. But the two love each other nonetheless.
ANNETTE VICARIOBEST FRIEND
similar to shrike, annette and ikurou have been friends since their younger years, but go back just a bit longer. annette met ikurou after she had gotten into a bar fight with him, and he had been so impressed with her that they ended up getting along after the fact. annette was really the first proper friend ikurou had and values her highly because of it. he feels he owes her a great deal.
nowadays, she acts as his advisor on how to maintain relationships and be more of a people person. she pushes him to the brink to do the best he can in making friends
annette didn't take ikurou's departure as hard as shrike did because she knew this sort of thing would happen eventually; she knew how susceptible ikurou was to people like ismael and how weak-willed he was. though she was heartbroken anyway, she could have helped him if he had actually listened to her.
ikurou feels like nothing could fill the role annette plays in his life, his best, longest friend. he was terrified that after he had left and hurt shrike and her, she'd never want to see him again, and that was a reality he wasn't ready to face. though thankfully they welcomed him back, though not without multiple 'i told you so!'s from annette.
more to come later...
MISC STUFF PAGE
MISC FACTShorn is cracked off due to having it broken and ripped off in a fight in his 20's.
snores VERY LOUDLY if he's laying in a certain position. if over exerted he WHEEZES. due to respiratory system damage.
vomits from stress. if particularly stressed he can puke up to 5 times day and cant keep food down.
only wears baggy clothes because anything even remotely tight fitting makes him feel very embarrassed and self-conscious.
has a bunch of lighters with fun stuff on them like pinup girls or cats. has a particular fondness for anything that has louis wain cats on it.
wears eyeliner, eyeshadow and nail polish and views this as masculine rather than feminine. he gets real pissy if he smears it.
collects vinyls and cds. keeps them in a bunch of milk crates in the corner of his room he stole from a bar.
some of his pants say 'lucky you' on the inside when you undo his zipper.
BIOLOGY
both of his parents were oni, though he doesn't feel like much of one himself.
has a small nubby tail. wags when excited and displays other forms of body language. he kinda hates it.
yes, his tusks do get in the way of things often.
i'll maybe add more to this later...
MISC FACTS
BIOLOGY
i'll maybe add more to this later...
